seriously.

would you take me where you're going if you're never coming back?

an update on whatever i feel like updating you on because this is my blog and i can do with it whatever i want.

1) today i saw two birds fighting over a dinner of cicada corpses

2) there is a flower planted in a tupperware container of sorts in the women's bathroom in the beamer center. i saw it today when i went down there to check my mailbox.

3) it was beautiful outside today. 77 degrees and no humidity. i read outside for awhile and filled in my weird tan lines with sunburn. hopefully that will all even out soon.

4) my car got egged last night. it was parallel parked under a tree in between a bunch of other cars outside of a friend's apartment. since i got out there after dark and it had been raining, i thought it was something that had fallen from the tree. when i went outside to go to work this morning i realized what it was. this afternoon when i was washing the car to try to get it off, i ended up scratching the door up a lot. now i am debating what to do about that.

5) i move this weekend.

6) full house seasons 6 and 7 are out and i only own 1-5. i need to get on that.

7) this is getting ridiculous so i'm going to stop writing now.


p.s. if anyone wants to road trip to california from chicago in the time frame from mid-late august or early september, let me know because i need a travel buddy.

a funny story about a cicada, and something i read the other day

so, i've been craving a frappuccino recently, which is strange for me because i NEVER drink them. i didn't want just any one either-- i had a special one in mind. i've been putting it off for a few days now because i was hoping it would go away, but it didn't. so you know what i did? i walked into a starbucks, and i ordered one. the kind i wanted was a coffee frap, with caramel sauce squeezed into the bottom and sides of the cup. i like it this way because you get the sweetness of the caramel, but it's not too sweet like a caramel frappuccino. it's delicious, and i highly recommend that everyone try it at some point, if you like coffee.

anyway, the baristas were teasing me about my weird order, when i glanced over my shoulder and saw IT. what is "IT", you ask? IT is my worst nightmare in live form with wings, huge reddish black eyes, and a nasty orange body perched on my shoulder. it was a cicada--just hanging out, like he thought we were friends or something. i cannot tell you what kind of disgusted fear went shooting through my body at the point when i realized what was about three inches from my face. i screamed and tried to swat it away, but it was STUCK to me. i calmed myself a bit, looked at the barista who was handing me my drink, and begged him to get it off of me. he looked confused (as he should have been at another strange request) and ran to grab a napkin. in the time it took him to get a napkin, some random old man walked up to me, literally ripped it off my shirt with his bare hands, and threw it outside. at this point the entire store was looking at me: the crazy girl who is scared of the cicadas. as i thanked him and started to walk out, he yelled over his shoulder to me, "hey, be careful, it's waiting out there for you" and laughed to himself. yeah, real funny. needless to say, i will not be going outside again until every last one of those revolting creatures is dead.

on an entirely different note, i read this conversation between Abra and Caleb in East of Eden the other day and thought it was relevant:

Abra: "if you won't then I guess i'll have to--"
Caleb: "what?"
she reached over and took his hand. "that" she said.
C: "i was afraid to"
A: "why?"
C: "i don't know."
A: "i wasn't."
C: "i guess girls aren't afraid of near as many things."
A: "i guess not."

i totally forgot to add this to my list of saturday's highlights.

so, i was looking at the chicago reader on saturday evening when we were all hanging out in front of marshalls, and i saw something about a "chicago naked bike ride." the ride is supposed to protest two things: oil dependency and a healthy body image. they didn't have very many details listed because apparently last year people just went crazy trying to watch all the bikers. i commented to everyone about how i'd like to see that, but according to the paper it looked like it had happened the night before (friday night).

well, later on, laura, christy, maggie and i were all walking out of the cold stone on north avenue, and we see a ruckus ahead at the huge intersection of damen, milwaukee, and north ave. laura yelled, "NAKED BIKE RIDE!" and we all took off running down the street to see it. sure enough.... hundreds of naked bike riders. it was definitely one of the strangest things i've ever seen. unfortunately my camera battery had died earlier in the night, so most of the time i had no camera access. BUT at the very end christian walked by us, and he happened to have an extra battery that fit my camera! most of it was finished by the time my camera was ready to go, so i didn't really get any pictures (except the blurry one you see above), which was probably for the best. either way, it was a very memorable experience (that i forgot about so quicky).

i don't know how legit i think the whole thing is for actually protesting oil and a healthy body image.... but whatever. it was still pretty funny.




--just for the record, that website i linked to has lots of nudity (obviously), so be warned before you go snooping around.

and i wonder where these dreams go when the world gets in your way

10 points to whoever knows what song that's from.


i had an absolutely fantastic weekend. i was going to blog it in pictures, but then i realized that i took about 200 pictures and i didn't feel like going through them all and doing everything else that a photoblog entails, so nevermind. you only get that one. and in answer to your question: yes, that is ben, and yes, he was studying greek while we were all hanging out.

here are the highlights in chronological order beginning friday afternoon:

friday:
-baking cookies with laura
-ben rey flying in from boston
-lars driving in from minnesota

saturday
-french market in wheaton
-readers' row book fair in chicago
-mcsweeney's book stand and a book about giant squids
-hanging out at marshall mcgearty's
-bin wine cafe
-colored by numbers final show at the double door
-pretty much anything that happened in the car ride from the double door to the train station

sunday:
-church of the resurrection. and benjamin.
-shane's deli
-taking ben to the airport.....oh wait, that WASN'T a highlight.
-laura powell's 23rd birthday barbeque extravaganza. i just made up that name.

yeah, so obviously a lot going on. it was a good power weekend to end the insanity that characterized last week.


--&%^$##--
i had every intention of making this a well thought out post with meaningful thoughts and ideas. it was going to be real and honest and bring you to tears (in a good way) and make you realize that the world can be a cruel place but there is hope and healing through Christ Jesus and the Holy Spirit and your friends and well spent time. i was going to take this paragraph and integrate the weekend's events into what i have realized about community and love and acceptance and dependence; about prayer and healing and support; about taking time to "be still and know that I am God", and "have mercy on me a sinner", and how all the stupid little plans that you think you've made are going to fall apart because you don't know what's best for yourself because you can't do things out of reactions to people hurting you. the sentences were going to all be run-ons but you wouldn't care anyway because you wanted to know so badly what came next that it seemed perfectly logical to not stop and pause for a breath.

i wish i could write this story for you. i really do. maybe one day i will write it; it's just that today i haven't figured it all out yet.

oh pretenders, let's go down to the river to pray

i can't. i can't stop. i'm trying. i haven't had a second to process. the girl who hasn't had anything to do for a month suddenly can't find the time to stop life and process. i'm just too tired tonight.

"Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?"
-fleetwood mac

2 reasons to fight my natural inclination to keep my car windows cracked when its hot outside

1) freak thunderstorms that last for 10 minutes
2) cicadas

what am i waiting for?

(www.postsecret.com)

good question. i really don't know.
i've been spending a lot of time alone these days. everyone works during the day, so i sit and think and write and read and pretend to look for jobs and create goals that i forget about a day later and make to-do lists that will never be completed. what is it i'm waiting for? i stayed here this summer for several reasons, and those reasons seem so far away now. what was i thinking? i wasn't made for the suburbs.

anyway, during these long stints of alone-time i get lost in my thoughts. thoughts about where i want to be after august 3rd when all my commitments in wheaton are through. do i stay in chicago or do i move back to california or do i go overseas or do i move somewhere entirely different? do i pursue community development or do i work at a coffee shop in a beach town somewhere? i don't know. what is my purpose here? what is my purpose in life? do i need a purpose or is it okay to just sit around and read and write and think about stuff all day and pass the time. i think these are good things, but unhealthy if not done in moderation. and in keeping with my "not one direction my life could take" theme, i feel pulled in every direction and sometimes i want to just drop it all and disengage. i sit and i wait for a sign from God to be dropped into my lap, but the fact of the matter is that it's probably not going to come that way.

this is the conclusion i think i came to: there is a point when thinking about stuff isn't going to help anymore. sometimes you just have to try something to figure out if it's a good idea or not. i need to engage and really explore my options, not just think about them. so you know what i did? i started applying for jobs in chicago. maybe it will work out, and maybe not, and i really think i'm okay with either way. so often i do that in my life.... i think situations and events through until i figure out every possible scenario in my mind and then i never try it out because i think i have it figured out already. that's not a fun way to live life, and i'm giving myself way more credit than i deserve.

i realize this doesn't sound like breaking news, but it is, i promise. i hope it makes sense; i'm so very tired.


in other news, i officially named my bike today. her name is dorothy, and i will call her dottie for short. now my family consists of my car named margot, my bike named dottie, and my cactus named fiona. that's a lot of girls for someone who hangs around boys so much. i could give a psychological explanation for this, but i will refrain for the sake of bedtime.