this is how we roll, apparently. also, they are all macs.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
a conversation between emily and the grocery bagger
this story actually happened to emily, but she gave me permission to blog it because it made me laugh so much.
emily walked up to the register at trader joe's and the guy who was ringing up groceries stopped for a moment. "excuse me ma'am, could you hold on one second while i moisten my lips?"
"umm, sure" she replied.
he stopped what he was doing, pulled out his chapstick, and applied it all over his lips.
"thanks for waiting. my lips feel much better now. i know they're small, but they're all i've got."
scene.
emily walked up to the register at trader joe's and the guy who was ringing up groceries stopped for a moment. "excuse me ma'am, could you hold on one second while i moisten my lips?"
"umm, sure" she replied.
he stopped what he was doing, pulled out his chapstick, and applied it all over his lips.
"thanks for waiting. my lips feel much better now. i know they're small, but they're all i've got."
scene.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
"the steelwells show" or "the time i was glad i was a good kid in highschool"
5.9.09
i was invited to see the steelwells tonight by my friend alice. i've seen them play once before and really liked them, so i thought it would be fun. i had no idea what kind of mayhem i was in for.
we drove through the dark on winding back roads into what looked like the "magnificent mile" of warehouses. there wasn't anyone around except a few kids on skateboards. i called alice and she said we were in the right place-- go ahead and park and she'd be out shortly to get us.
we walked up to a giant steel gate and were met by a large guy with a sharpie and a wad of cash. we gave him the $4 cover and he drew a big X on our hands with the sharpie, no questions asked. i was instantly reminded of the time i went to the beat kitchen in chicago and was not yet 21 so they put a giant X on my hand to signify that i wasn't allowed in the bar. it was quite the opposite with this joint.
we walked through the parking lot and there were hipsters everywhere. to anyone who has ever referred to me as a hipster: you don't know what you're talking about. this place was crawling with leggings, boots, high waisted shorts, headbands, flannel, and belts. there was a girl dressed as britney spears circa 1999. there was a guy in a kilt. at one point in the night they threw themselves up against a wall and had their way with each other. kids no older than 17 were walking around drunk with half drank cans of bud light and empty bottles of whiskey. the smell of pot and cigarettes wafted through the air, and me and julie just stood there looking at each other in disbelief. what on earth had we just walked into?
we stood inside and watched one of the bands for awhile. the music was pounding so hard it made my head hurt, but thankfully i carry earplugs around with me, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. as we listened to the band play, we saw a drunk couple start fighting in the crowd. he was trying to say something to her and she kept pushing him away and he was having none of it. the guy was a bumbling idiot, and the whole thing just seemed really surreal. after awhile we couldn't handle the volume of the music anymore, so we went outside to get some "fresh" air. wouldn't you know it, alice, julie, and i are standing around for about 5 minutes when i feel someone grab onto my shoulder. i turn around and it's that guy that we just saw get in a fight. he threw himself onto me and julie and asked how we were doing tonight. thoroughly entertained at this point, julie starts making conversation with him. he informs us that his name is "stosh" (not josh), and he's having a great time. the rest of the conversation is a little ambiguous in my mind, mostly because i was too busy laughing at the whole ridiculous situation.
he finally walks away and shortly after, another guy carrying an empty bottle of whiskey comes over and starts talking to us. he tells us that he was messing with the other guy and told him to go over and talk to us. we get to talking and he tells us he goes to vanguard and his name is blake and he has a cousin named mikel, etc. etc. "i'm under the impression vanguard students aren't supposed to do stuff like this," i said, pointing to the empty bottle. "i'm in the adult program. that means i'm a lot smarter than all those other people." turns out he was 20 years old, which was so incredibly entertaining in itself. but i digress. soon after a girl comes up and introduces herself as blake, and then her boyfriend comes up and introduces himself as blake. no joke, they were all actually named blake. girl blake entertained me with some talk about how she went to azusa for a year but hated it and how often she had to go to chapel and then tried to kill herself and then transferred to orange coast college. after talking to the blakes for awhile it was finally time for the steelwells to setup and go on. they set their stuff up, and started playing. fantastic set, i might add. during the show, the lead singer began asking how everyone was doing that night. "YEAH! F--- YEAH!" and other obscenities started pouring from a kid standing behind us. at some point, someone yelled "i want to rape you!" to the steelwells. the lead singer replied with, wow, that kid wants to rape me?" to which the kid screaming obscenities behind us replied "F--- YEAH! hey... F--- YOU!" which you have to admit is kind of clever, albeit it entirely inappropriate and uncalled for.
this is pretty much how the entire show went. julie and i were standing outside afterwards watching the band load up when a kid came up to me and said, "hey, do you go to cypress high school?" shocked and slightly taken aback, i replied with a terse, "No!" he said, "oh okay," and that was the end of it. seriously? do i look like i'm in highschool?
it was about 2 am at this point. we decided to call it a night.
i was invited to see the steelwells tonight by my friend alice. i've seen them play once before and really liked them, so i thought it would be fun. i had no idea what kind of mayhem i was in for.
we drove through the dark on winding back roads into what looked like the "magnificent mile" of warehouses. there wasn't anyone around except a few kids on skateboards. i called alice and she said we were in the right place-- go ahead and park and she'd be out shortly to get us.
we walked up to a giant steel gate and were met by a large guy with a sharpie and a wad of cash. we gave him the $4 cover and he drew a big X on our hands with the sharpie, no questions asked. i was instantly reminded of the time i went to the beat kitchen in chicago and was not yet 21 so they put a giant X on my hand to signify that i wasn't allowed in the bar. it was quite the opposite with this joint.
we walked through the parking lot and there were hipsters everywhere. to anyone who has ever referred to me as a hipster: you don't know what you're talking about. this place was crawling with leggings, boots, high waisted shorts, headbands, flannel, and belts. there was a girl dressed as britney spears circa 1999. there was a guy in a kilt. at one point in the night they threw themselves up against a wall and had their way with each other. kids no older than 17 were walking around drunk with half drank cans of bud light and empty bottles of whiskey. the smell of pot and cigarettes wafted through the air, and me and julie just stood there looking at each other in disbelief. what on earth had we just walked into?
we stood inside and watched one of the bands for awhile. the music was pounding so hard it made my head hurt, but thankfully i carry earplugs around with me, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. as we listened to the band play, we saw a drunk couple start fighting in the crowd. he was trying to say something to her and she kept pushing him away and he was having none of it. the guy was a bumbling idiot, and the whole thing just seemed really surreal. after awhile we couldn't handle the volume of the music anymore, so we went outside to get some "fresh" air. wouldn't you know it, alice, julie, and i are standing around for about 5 minutes when i feel someone grab onto my shoulder. i turn around and it's that guy that we just saw get in a fight. he threw himself onto me and julie and asked how we were doing tonight. thoroughly entertained at this point, julie starts making conversation with him. he informs us that his name is "stosh" (not josh), and he's having a great time. the rest of the conversation is a little ambiguous in my mind, mostly because i was too busy laughing at the whole ridiculous situation.
he finally walks away and shortly after, another guy carrying an empty bottle of whiskey comes over and starts talking to us. he tells us that he was messing with the other guy and told him to go over and talk to us. we get to talking and he tells us he goes to vanguard and his name is blake and he has a cousin named mikel, etc. etc. "i'm under the impression vanguard students aren't supposed to do stuff like this," i said, pointing to the empty bottle. "i'm in the adult program. that means i'm a lot smarter than all those other people." turns out he was 20 years old, which was so incredibly entertaining in itself. but i digress. soon after a girl comes up and introduces herself as blake, and then her boyfriend comes up and introduces himself as blake. no joke, they were all actually named blake. girl blake entertained me with some talk about how she went to azusa for a year but hated it and how often she had to go to chapel and then tried to kill herself and then transferred to orange coast college. after talking to the blakes for awhile it was finally time for the steelwells to setup and go on. they set their stuff up, and started playing. fantastic set, i might add. during the show, the lead singer began asking how everyone was doing that night. "YEAH! F--- YEAH!" and other obscenities started pouring from a kid standing behind us. at some point, someone yelled "i want to rape you!" to the steelwells. the lead singer replied with, wow, that kid wants to rape me?" to which the kid screaming obscenities behind us replied "F--- YEAH! hey... F--- YOU!" which you have to admit is kind of clever, albeit it entirely inappropriate and uncalled for.
this is pretty much how the entire show went. julie and i were standing outside afterwards watching the band load up when a kid came up to me and said, "hey, do you go to cypress high school?" shocked and slightly taken aback, i replied with a terse, "No!" he said, "oh okay," and that was the end of it. seriously? do i look like i'm in highschool?
it was about 2 am at this point. we decided to call it a night.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
we the people are under attack! history is repeating!
this is (was) posted on a light post outside of my office. every time i walk by it i laugh, so i decided to share it all with you.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
the office in real life, part 7
My boss got these in the mail yesterday, so some of us around the office ate them. I can still feel leg chunks in my mouth. tasty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
