overheard in the office today

"do they still have real mermaids at disneyland? i haven't been there since i was a kid."

the endings

I know I was made to go up this mountain
Every bone in my body tells me it's right
I know I was made to go up this mountain
But I'm getting scared of heights.

--blindside, the endings

shampoo planet, take 2

"you mistake motion for growth and are lured into vexing situations."

--shampoo planet, douglas coupland, page 203

shampoo planet, take 1

"in periods of rapid personal change, we pass through life as though we are spellcast. we speak in sentences that end before finishing. we sleep heavily because we need to ask so many questions as we dream alone. we bump into others and feel bashful at recognizing souls so similar to ourselves."

--shampoo planet, douglas coupland, page 182

no, you may not take my picture.

yesterday, i went surfing. it was really fun, but i was not good at it (which i learned from my first experience last year). my friend had parked the car away from the pier we were surfing by because parking at the pier is ridiculous, so after we were done i sat and waited for him to bring the car back to load up and head out.

i pulled out a book and waited for a few minutes, when a hispanic man about my height wearing a camera around his neck approached me. in a thick accent he asked me, "excuse me miss, can i take your picture?" a little startled, i asked him to repeat the question. "why?" i asked him. "i collect pictures. for myself, personal use. not going to put it anywhere."

still very confused by his question, i eventually figured out that he had watched me and my friend rinsing off with our boards and everything, and knew that i was waiting for him to come back. he wanted to wait until my friend came back and then the hispanic guy wanted to be in the picture with me. a thousand thoughts as to why this was a terrible idea crossing my mind, i respectfully declined.

isn't this supposed to change with becoming an adult?

you know how when you're a little kid, even when you're exhausted, all you want to do is stay up? why is that? and why, as an adult, do i still feel that way? i just don't have anyone forcing me to brush my teeth and get under the covers. i've been tired since 10:30. yet, here we are, two hours later. everything seems much more important when you're supposed to be sleeping. yes! i must pick up those dirty clothes that have been laying there for days. yes, i must start building my scrapbook. yes, i must file that paperwork that i can't complete without calling 10 people who work during normal daytime hours and therefore i won't get anywhere on it tonight.

i re-read the first 50 pages or so of Blue Like Jazz the other day, and in it Donald Miller says something about Satan's huge plan to derail the world is not to dress up in bull horns and torment people, but rather to get everyone wasting time. i've been thinking about that a lot. how am i spending my time? am i wasting my days away? as i lay awake checking facebook for the umpteenth time in between trying on clothes in my closet and creating a huge mess that will keep me awake until the wee hours of tomorrow morning when i decide to clean it all up again... the answer seems like a resounding, "yes." upon further reflection, it's not always like this. but right now....

the cure for pain

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

--jon foreman, "the cure for pain"